Triune Dancing

O God my God,
I cry out to you.


The ache and longing forever by my side,
longing for more Love Divine.


Triune God will I see
this ache is meant to draw me to Thee.


How perilous this human part
if not directed towards your heart.


If only these lenses were cleansed
to see the pain a means to your end.


Brokeness and frayed edges all around.
Am I the only one who sees?
How out of sorts things are with 'we.'


Longing for a place called home,
tired of this sojourners roam.


Crying inward for something different than the same,
is it fear keeping me lame?


Hope beckons of community renewed,
but only if I sit with You.


Triune Dancer spins and twirls,
"Come, dance with Me, that
I might settle thee."


Uncomfortable steps and eyes so close,
something softens, fragile petals of this rose.


Fragrance rises with thorns and all,
strength given on this dance floor of my soul.

The Uncomfortable S P A C E of Loneliness

Some days I just feel lonely.

And then I'm left wondering....

Is this chosen loneliness? (the kind that is self sabotaging, where I am not reaching out and receiving the love that is already around me, or where I just need to go do something, get out, and be with people).

OR

Is it legit loneliness (the kind everyone of us feels that is good, that draws our heart back, reminds us we're not home yet, and the s p a c e reminds us solitude can be a beautiful place, quieting us to hear God's words)

But my quandary is which am I in?

(What is more sad is I want to figure it out rather than just feel what I'm feeling).

I would hate to be in an unnecessary loneliness.

Do you ever fear that something is "off" with you and somehow you missed the boat to "life?"

I do.

On days like these. (well not all day, but right now in this very moment)

I used to try to distract myself from it. Pretend it wasn't there.

A wise woman (actually many wise people) have helped me see it isn't something to run from, but step into.

Whatever type of loneliness I'm in...the Lord wants to meet there.

So why do I have such a hard time embracing it and not beating myself up over it.

"Susie, it's because you don't reach out enough?"

"You aren't enough so people just aren't interested."

"Susie, you are just too much for people. You're overwhelming so they all flea. See that's why you're still single, no ones telling you why you're alone."

Welcome to my private warfare.

Sadly, this is where loneliness can take me...

If I let it.

But, if I open up and create some heart S P A C E I become more aware, like right now. As I'm writing I'm singing along to an old song Pandora is playing, my ears perk, then my heart warms... (smile)

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me ("I Could Not Ask for More" Edwin McCain)

And this is how Jesus stuns me, each and every time. Where the Romance catches me off guard. (And now you have been invited into it, I didn't know this is where the blog would go?)

He sees.

He really sees.

And regardless of the reason that I'm feeling lonely.

He meets me.

Meets you.

Southern Ol' Allure

I went on a walk late this afternoon. The air is moist yet warm, the birds are chirping, and the mist wafts over me...a familiar haunting in my heart. But it's not connected to this place (in fact the weather is rather strange for here) I'm taken back...to where...

Ahhhh, the South.

I've spent some significant time there for a summer and various vacations. And there is something totally unique about the allure of the South.

Perhaps because I'm a California Girl through and through (ok a little Brit) but my first time in the south took me off guard. I was surprised how different it was but how much I longed to cozy up in it and stay for a while.

Was it the history and charm I felt as I walked the streets of Charleston? The fresh wood deck that I lounged on in Hickory? Sweet tea over a long, lingering home cooked meal of buttered greens, herb roasted chicken, mashed potatoes & gravy? Fishing off the deck at Lake Norman? Dancing the night away in Nashville?

Something beautiful lingers in my heart in these spaces. Haunted by the permission the remembrance of the place somehow gives me to slow down, live simply (yet elegantly), enjoy the hot sunny days that give way to cumulonimbus nights, hovering at the skyline.

It's allure quiets me. Stills the clamor within. Reminding me to grab a glass, pour some tea, and rock for a while, taking it all in. (ok now I feel like I am in a Nicholas Sparks book).

The south has been a place of romance, adventure, reunited friendships, simplicity and beauty.

And today, here in San Luis Obispo, CA, my heart went back there, she allured me back.

Thank you, Sweet South.