Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Father's Day Blog I Didn't at First Want to Write (but did anyway)

I've felt a blog brewing in me but haven't wanted to write it. It's because it involves being single. I don't want to be "the singleness blogger." But there are things to be said, wrestled with, and embraced and so I guess, for now, I'm your gal. (Well, for today and the

This weekend we celebrate Father's Day.

I love my dad. After last weeks scare (48 hours in the hospital with intestinal problems), it only surfaced all the more my ever-growing love for my Dad: His strength, consistency, presence, provision, advice, humor, warm heart, 'live it up' way of life and love, and how he has impacted my life in so, so many ways.

Which is why, on weeks like these, I wonder, "What must it be like not to have a Dad?"

To grow up without an everyday masculine presence? Did you know that a man, by his mere 'being' has impact. What I mean by this is, a man by his very presence in the room changes things.


There was actually a study (which I wish I could remember to site) that showed the impact of a man's physical presence or lack thereof in a little girl's life and how on a biological level it influenced her hormonal balance.


Men, your presence matters!

Fathers, your physical presence (let alone your psychological and emotional presence) has impact.

So what does this have to do with singleness? How do the two issues go hand in hand? Well, it's got me wondering. . .

How does the lack of a father's mere presence growing up (let alone relational and emotional support) effect men's ability to pursue good women these days? How do their internal demons and insecurities related to being fatherless effect the way they are able to pursue, believing they have something good to offer us?

Now I know there are a myriad of reasons for why folks are still single. And it's not just fatherlessness. But I have to wonder if this isn't a significant part of the reason for the vast singleness were experiencing in my generation, the former and the prior?

I know so many outstanding, rather stunning, godly women who are waiting, praying, and left just a little bewildered as to why they aren't getting asked out and pursued more.

What I'm left wondering, as I watch this play out in my own life and the lives of many others, is if this is another symptom of the Masculinity Crisis?

Maybe I'm just trying to make sense of it all and put together the mixxed puzzle pieces that is my dating life?

However reality is, there is an entire generation of fatherless men who have not seen pursuit, commitment, responsibility let alone experienced it being called forth in them. So why wouldn't it follow that some are left rather mystified as to how they would ever pursue let alone commit to a woman they thought "too good for me"?

Which is why I'd like to dedicate this post to all you mentors out there. Those who are fathering the fatherless and calling forth boys to become men.

I believe you are:






The story is being rewritten...

It may not feel like it every day or each meeting, but you are modeling H O P E that their stories can be rewritten and that there is a Father who's Presence changes things, everything.

And because I believe God is in the business of rewriting stories and redeeming things, the very worst things, I'm left wondering how he wants to show us the truths of "Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven" as it relates to these current issues?

What if God is turning it around?

The wicked ways the enemy has attacked marriage and the family.

The lies the enemy has ingrained in fatherless children's hearts and the father's who left them.

What if he restores things?

Really makes beauty from ashes.

Infuses his life, healing, and hope into these little boys and young men's hearts?

What if he uses older men to "retell" young men their stories? Which makes them feel differently about where they've been, who they are, and where they will go?

And while healing takes time and strong men may be emerging a little later in life, truth is this may be the very thing that changes the face of the family in the 21st century.

Think of the depth and strength of these men and women encounter the depth and breadth of Jesus' love for them, deep wounds are healed. Each one may come into the commitment a little more whole with a greater freedom to simply love and be loved.

How much clearer an image it would reflect to a lost world of Christ and His Bride(us) as mature men and women unite in love and invite others into it (kids, friends, families, co-workers). Imperfect for sure, but somehow more settled into the imperfect, grace-filled life of loving someone enough to stay in it for the long haul.

And, to me, if this is even a hint of what might be happening, well then, it's been well worth the wait.

To men, fathers and fatherless, mentors and mentees....and the God who is the author and redeemer of it all, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!


Anonymous said...

What a nice and lovely message. As a dad, it's very rewarding to have a beautiful, caring daughter such as you.... Here's wishing all dads a great Sunday ahead!

Tattoos and High Heels said...

Love this post!!!

Anonymous said...

Susie was lucky to have a dad who loved his children very well and still does, including the grandkids.

Love Mum

Anonymous said...

Father or fatherless; many many males and females see things in their family that make them wisely cautious about long-time commitment. Divorce rates are high; the census also shows that many "single" women live with long-term partners and also have children.

I think a question that should also be addressed when wondering why men are not pursuing is: what do men want in a partner?