Unexpected Turns

I have sensed since January God's movement in my life to share more of my story. Like I've said before, the best way I know how to do this is my book and the speaking opportunities that may come from it (and of course the day in day out opportunities life affords me).  


Last week I heard my marching orders yet again. Therefore, I decided to post the first chapter online through a video series (people, that was vulnerable! I actually scheduled it to post and then unscheduled it because of the thoughts pervading my mind--was this for His glory or mine?  What future author would tell the story rather than sell the story?  I wanted to know where this was going if I shared?  He wanted me to have faith in the unknown).  


In the end, I decided to post anyway.  


And I'm glad I did. Somehow my stuff being "out there" moved something "in here" (insert Susie circling heart region).


It made it REAL.


The possibilities REAL.


The story REAL.


And you, fellow travelers on this faith journey, REAL.


And now I face an impasse on the road. What is the next step in telling His story in me?


I never set out to write a book, yet God burned this message in me. First and foremost for me, but like we know, God always multiplies His fruit beyond what we could ever imagine! (It's especially hard to believe good will come when we're in the thick of it...when He's pruning rather painfully to produce it).


And so, alas, this week I find myself pondering--Lord, how do I steward this message? Where are we in the unveiling process?  (and it is quite a process as He builds my character to sustain His entrustment).


I have had some really helpful and positive feedback from agents on my manuscript. Honestly I was giddy inside that they even thought I could write.  I love their valuable insights and ability to create a better product.  It seems I could never forge this path without a mighty team of people. 


And yet, yet....


I find myself asking (quite unexpectedly) is this my route? I guess I just always assumed it was...write a book + find an agent + land a publishing house = book produced. What I'm learning (HUGE learning curve people!) is the publishing industry is much more in flux than that....social media, technology, ebooks, personal networks...the tide is shifting. Is it my time to shift as well?


Yes, I would like the affirmation and attention the traditional route affords me, not to mention the collaborative opportunities. BUT this will take years to build---I'm guessing I'll need roughly 5000 people following me on twitter or interested in hearing me speak before I'd be considered by a publishing house (this is just a guess based on my research).


And so I'm left pondering....is there a new route opening up?


Perhaps unexpected but right for me.  


Self-publishing.


Putting "her" out there and letting it ride (however things unfold).


It's a new way of thinking about it, and I'm still not sure, but you know what? It makes me excited!


Excited because I can hit the road running (make my revisions, get an editor, design the cover, pick a self-publishing production house and get her out there to you!).  It also requires me to believe ultimately in the message of our story--that His story is enough--His life in me--not the accolades of agents and publishers. (I am not saying this is bad for others whatsoever, I'm just curious about what He may have for me given my story and what he's in the process of redeeming).


I don't know? These are my most recent musings about "her".  


What do you think?

Last Pages

I know these excerpts have been longer than my usual blog but I hope hearing a little of my story is meeting you in yours.

The early portion of this book looks bleak (as the confusing backdrop or mundaneness of our day-to-day stories often do).  Yet... His ways are not our ways; He is more comfortable with discomfort, patient with the process, gradual with his revelation, and poignant in his timing with truth for glory.

Listen in on these last pages of chapter one and know this is NOT the end of the story, just the disheveled beginnings of something He alone makes
B R E A T H T A K I N G !

Chapter 1: Desolation (continued)

This is a different way of approaching my book and makes it all very real.  Hope it's meeting you in some way.

Remember it always gets darker before the dawn! (Even I'm listening and going, oh my goodness this poor girl. Lol!)

Chapter 1: Desolation

Never thought I'd be doing this on a blog but...away we go!

Brokenhearted: Prologue

This week we're gonna get some tid-bits from my working manuscript.  Not sure how much I will share but I hope in sharing a bit of it Jesus breathes life and hope into your journey. Have a good one!

Friday Arts: Anne of Green Gables

Anne Shirley.

Is there any character more delightful? (Ok Elizabeth Bennett is a close second or tie).

Last week, something kept gnawing on my heart as I half-heartedly plowed through another book... Anne. Anne.

So I made the little trek back to my local library and checked out Anne of Windy Poplars, by L.M. Montgomery. (I'll admit it that the book jacket's description nailed the choice in the series for me, "More than any other 'Anne' books Windy Poplars is the love story of Anne and Gilbert." What can I say, I needed a little oomph in my romantic hopes!)

I love Anne's winsome heart, playful rabbit trails, and delightful diction:

"It's dusk, dearest. (In passing, isn't dusk a lovely word? I like it better than twilight. It sounds so velvety of shadowy and... and... dusky.)"

"Rebecca Dew is 'around forty' and if a tomato had black hair racing away from its forehead, little twinkling eyes, a tiny nose with a knobby end, and a slit of a mouth, it would look exactly like her. Everything about her is too short... arms and legs and neck and nose... everything but her smile. It is long enough to reach ear to ear."

"I wended my way to the graveyard this evening. I think 'wend your way' is a lovely phrase and I work it whenever I can. It sounds funny to say I enjoyed my stroll in the graveyard but I really did. Miss Courteloe's stories were so funny. Comedy and tragedy are so mixed up in life, Gilbert."

What I adore about all the "Anne" series is the permission Anne gives herself to "simply be." Reading this lively character's adventures gives me the courage and gumption to more fully embrace life--all the little dramas, funny characters, life lessons both big and small, and afford myself the grace and dignity to be a learner and observer in the school of life, like Miss Anne Shirley.

To Anne, may we all live a little more with her zest for life and liberty 'to be.'

Cheers!

The Metaphor of Marriage

When I first started learning Soul Care from Patti I wasn't sure how couples would respond to me as a counselor who was single. I mean come on, even I might roll my eyes as a young doe-eyed woman began a monologue about the beauty, virtue, and splendor to the metaphor of marriage and how great it was they were seeking help in their marriage.

But ironically, Patti told me differently. "Susie I think because you hold up the image and standard, not jaded by the disappointment, you invite us to see it as Christ intended."

I had Patti to thank. Early on in my twenty-something spiritual formation, I was recovering from a broken heart and was left rather skeptical about how a union like this could ever work. It was then that Patti courageously invited me into "the metaphor of marriage."

What?

Susie, you have to first and foremost think of it in it's original context and ideal. Christ and the church. Husbands and wives in their union are to reflect that truth. It is only then that you can develop eyes to see what a husband and wife are struggling with in their marriage and what God is wanting to heal and reveal through them.

W O W !

She then began to paint the most beautiful picture of Jesus loving his church so much that he gives himself over to her again and again, for better or for worse. He loves to put her on display to celebrate her beauty, grace, and dignity. She blossoms in His Presence and people look-in wondering, "What's going on? I want that...How do I get it?" She joyfully comes under his tender strength and fierce love because she trusts him. He is always looking out for her best interest, coming alongside her shortcomings, and because of that special dignity she feels from him, she wants nothing more than to follow His ways and share in the adventure of life with him forever.

So are you like me? Did your heart weave in and out wondering whether I was talking about the church or marriage? And about mid-way, did you let out a deep sigh, wondering "When was the last time I experienced a marriage like that? Let alone came close in my marriage?"

When I first began to understand this, both the gift and crucible of marriage, all I wanted to do was marriage counseling. Because I think I got it...really got it!

Did these couples have any idea of the power and magnitude of healing that could be brought about through their love? Or worse, the devastation their bitterness and rejection of each other could cause?

Husbands.

Wives.

The reason your union has been assaulted from day one, is not because you are a failure, a mess of a christian, rather the enemy hates what you share and the image you bear! He uses every scrap of trash he can grab on, early on, to take you out. He hates love and he hates love that births life!

So what if spouses stopped seeing the other partner as the enemy and learned to fight for their spouses heart, as a reflection of Christ's love and his commitment? What if in the midst of all the tension, misunderstanding, woundedness, men and women began to speak words of life to one another? Guided each other into healing? Had the courage to ask others for help?

This is the gift John and Staci Eldredge have given us in Love & War.

Could there be a better title about marriage?

This is no news that I am fans, allies, comrades, whatever you want to call it of the Eldredges. I may not agree with every jot and tittle, but let's just say the very fact that they had the courage to sit down, pull up their sleeves, and offer the nitty gritty of their marriage, is reason enough for me to read it and want to learn from it. John and Staci are the kind of kingdom people who have helped me again and again stay the course (and prepare the course for marriage).

Not everyone gets a Patti Cepin who modeled, explained, and invited me into her own sacred crucible of marriage (to which, John and Patti, I am forever grateful). But I think a lot of you wish more couples, like the Cepins and Eldredges, would invite you in to learn from their marriage, if nothing less than to know you are not alone and there is hope.

Consider this my war cry for couples everywhere...Let's Start a Revolution. And like all Revolutions, it starts with the courage of the few... Why not gather a group of couples with open hearts (which almost always means broken hearts) and begin to journey together reading Love & War, letting it stew in your hearts, togather stand against the enemy's schemes, and go kick some kingdom butt together!

I can't help but wonder how the face of 21st century Christianity would be turned upside down!?!?