Unexpected Turns

I have sensed since January God's movement in my life to share more of my story. Like I've said before, the best way I know how to do this is my book and the speaking opportunities that may come from it (and of course the day in day out opportunities life affords me).  


Last week I heard my marching orders yet again. Therefore, I decided to post the first chapter online through a video series (people, that was vulnerable! I actually scheduled it to post and then unscheduled it because of the thoughts pervading my mind--was this for His glory or mine?  What future author would tell the story rather than sell the story?  I wanted to know where this was going if I shared?  He wanted me to have faith in the unknown).  


In the end, I decided to post anyway.  


And I'm glad I did. Somehow my stuff being "out there" moved something "in here" (insert Susie circling heart region).


It made it REAL.


The possibilities REAL.


The story REAL.


And you, fellow travelers on this faith journey, REAL.


And now I face an impasse on the road. What is the next step in telling His story in me?


I never set out to write a book, yet God burned this message in me. First and foremost for me, but like we know, God always multiplies His fruit beyond what we could ever imagine! (It's especially hard to believe good will come when we're in the thick of it...when He's pruning rather painfully to produce it).


And so, alas, this week I find myself pondering--Lord, how do I steward this message? Where are we in the unveiling process?  (and it is quite a process as He builds my character to sustain His entrustment).


I have had some really helpful and positive feedback from agents on my manuscript. Honestly I was giddy inside that they even thought I could write.  I love their valuable insights and ability to create a better product.  It seems I could never forge this path without a mighty team of people. 


And yet, yet....


I find myself asking (quite unexpectedly) is this my route? I guess I just always assumed it was...write a book + find an agent + land a publishing house = book produced. What I'm learning (HUGE learning curve people!) is the publishing industry is much more in flux than that....social media, technology, ebooks, personal networks...the tide is shifting. Is it my time to shift as well?


Yes, I would like the affirmation and attention the traditional route affords me, not to mention the collaborative opportunities. BUT this will take years to build---I'm guessing I'll need roughly 5000 people following me on twitter or interested in hearing me speak before I'd be considered by a publishing house (this is just a guess based on my research).


And so I'm left pondering....is there a new route opening up?


Perhaps unexpected but right for me.  


Self-publishing.


Putting "her" out there and letting it ride (however things unfold).


It's a new way of thinking about it, and I'm still not sure, but you know what? It makes me excited!


Excited because I can hit the road running (make my revisions, get an editor, design the cover, pick a self-publishing production house and get her out there to you!).  It also requires me to believe ultimately in the message of our story--that His story is enough--His life in me--not the accolades of agents and publishers. (I am not saying this is bad for others whatsoever, I'm just curious about what He may have for me given my story and what he's in the process of redeeming).


I don't know? These are my most recent musings about "her".  


What do you think?