Friday Arts: Sanctus Real, Get's Real

Today's featured artists are the band Sanctus Real. I was introduced to them through Mocha Club.  I do some volunteering for Mocha Club every now and then and it just so happens Sanctus Real has been one of the sponsoring artists at both events.

This fall at their show, out of all the songs they performed from their new album,

my heart did a double take when the lead singer, Matt Hammitt, introduced the song "Lead Me."  His vulnerability and courage were refreshing as he shared about his own struggles and sin as a husband and father.  He modeled true strength as he openly confessed his weakness and told a story so many relate with.  

Music not only transports us and articulates the human soul in a way few things can but it has the ability to call something greater forth in us....Sanctus Real did this with "Lead Me."  

What I love about the song is the picture it paints of a wife's tender strength in calling her husband out of hiding believing he has what it takes to lead her and the family.

Lovely and powerful!

Listen in and enjoy.  Have a great Friday! (I'll paste the lyrics below).  

Air 1 - Sanctus Real "Lead Me" LIVE from Air 1 Radio on Vimeo.

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

The Dress Part II

If you haven't read my previous post about the dress or need a refresher click here before continuing (or you'll be really confused).

The story of that 5th birthday would often come to mind as a significant event but I wasn't quite sure why? That's the thing about the Holy Spirit, sometimes he brings up things that seem a bit strange or confusing to us so we don't pursue them. They feel "out there" and we dismiss it.

The thing I'm learning is God has a much clearer vantage point to our story and the distorted narratives we often live out. So he brings up the odd image or recollection every now and then to "retell" us our stories and breathe the gospel's life into them. The best thing we can do when this happens is dismantle our little gods of understanding and control and follow Him into the unknown. Again and again I've been rather undone by what unfolds.

Now, back to that dress.

I think the enemy used "the dress event" and many others to distort the image of my mom and my relationship. If she was "weak" then I needed to be "strong." Truth is my mom wasn't always sick, she could care for me in many, many ways. However, I began to close off my heart to her and not look to her for care in the way a little girl does with her mom. Slowly I began to believe care was not really available to me which played out in subtle ways. And see, if you believe that lie you tend to anesthetize your heart numbing out to a lot of what makes life, life (hurts, frustrations, anger, elation, joy, goofiness...). I was "even keel" to a fault and my friends told me they never felt very needed. I started to sort out everyone else's problems and hurts while ignoring my own.

Now here's the beauty...When the Spirit took me back to the dress event he wasn't simply talking about that event, rather it was the metaphor for a couple things.

First, illuminating what I had done with desire in my life. He loves his children to dream, hope, long for things, play. The dress symbolized that to the little girl. Sadly I had shut down or felt ashamed for a lot of the things I still longed for as an adult woman. Somehow I equated godliness as being void of desire, like I was somehow supposed to be OK now. The opposite is true. Godliness is being open and honest about the desire, not judging it, but bringing it into relationship with God. Letting him illuminate what it's pointing to (and quite frankly it's often not what we think).

Second, the dress was an image of relationship with mom. Our relationship was fragmented by her illness at the tender age of five. And there were a few other events afterwards that seemed to slither in with the same message, "Take care of yourself. Your heart is obviously too much. No one can care for it anyway." Did I know I was living out of this distorted narrative. No way. But later in life I felt the repercussions of it.

The Lord seemed to be saying, "Don't accept this as the final story. There is more, much more."

He began to take me back to other dresses that popped up on the pages of my life. (He did this on a a retreat called Learning to Love the Master as I dialogued with him about my story).

One in particular stood out. The October after my mom's hospitalization I asked to be a bride for Halloween. I have no idea why and where I came up with the idea. I have vague memories of my mom saying it was a rather challenging costume. However, what I remember most is how hard she worked to bring the little dream to fruition. There was gold glittery lining, bling, lace, ...even a bouquet.

And I felt beautiful.

"Sweetheart, she cared, she cared so much."

"Beloved these dresses are a symbol of being set apart, chosen, special, clothed in care and beauty."

Which is why, this year when I was invited to my cousins wedding who was marrying a lovely Indian woman, I knew...He was inviting me into longing again, desiring to be the beauty and believe dreams do come true (afterall, He's often there author).

The other fuchsia dress.

Throughout my childhood I used to sneak into my Grandma's closet and admire her minks, gowns, and fancy jewelry. There was always one dress that stood out...

And so when the invite arrived and my parents invited me to go, I knew, it was time... for the dress.

I let myself want it, really want it, the I'm eating no carbs kind of wanting it!
And wa-lah! My dream came into being.

And he allowed me to share all of this with mom by my side.

Another fuchsia princess dress.

Friday Arts: Anne of Green Gables

Anne Shirley.

Is there any character more delightful? (Ok Elizabeth Bennett is a close second or tie).

Last week, something kept gnawing on my heart as I half-heartedly plowed through another book... Anne. Anne.

So I made the little trek back to my local library and checked out Anne of Windy Poplars, by L.M. Montgomery. (I'll admit it that the book jacket's description nailed the choice in the series for me, "More than any other 'Anne' books Windy Poplars is the love story of Anne and Gilbert." What can I say, I needed a little oomph in my romantic hopes!)

I love Anne's winsome heart, playful rabbit trails, and delightful diction:

"It's dusk, dearest. (In passing, isn't dusk a lovely word? I like it better than twilight. It sounds so velvety of shadowy and... and... dusky.)"

"Rebecca Dew is 'around forty' and if a tomato had black hair racing away from its forehead, little twinkling eyes, a tiny nose with a knobby end, and a slit of a mouth, it would look exactly like her. Everything about her is too short... arms and legs and neck and nose... everything but her smile. It is long enough to reach ear to ear."

"I wended my way to the graveyard this evening. I think 'wend your way' is a lovely phrase and I work it whenever I can. It sounds funny to say I enjoyed my stroll in the graveyard but I really did. Miss Courteloe's stories were so funny. Comedy and tragedy are so mixed up in life, Gilbert."

What I adore about all the "Anne" series is the permission Anne gives herself to "simply be." Reading this lively character's adventures gives me the courage and gumption to more fully embrace life--all the little dramas, funny characters, life lessons both big and small, and afford myself the grace and dignity to be a learner and observer in the school of life, like Miss Anne Shirley.

To Anne, may we all live a little more with her zest for life and liberty 'to be.'

Cheers!

The Dress(es)

My birthday is June 26th. As long as I can remember I have loved gifts. Giving them. Getting them. The process of finding just the right one. Love it! (I think I get this from my Mom and Dad who have an unbelievable track record of picking out just the right things).

One particular birthday stood out for years, but I wasn't quite sure why? That is until Jesus invited me back there, wanting to rewrite the story in a way only He could.

It was right before my 5th Birthday. I can still remember the anticipation and excitement looking through the children’s catalog (I'm telling you gift giving is a BIG deal). I carefully circled the pages and items I liked. And then... in this cornucopia of catalog goodness... I found it . . .

the most beautiful,

fuchsia pink dress I’d ever seen!

I specifically marked the page and eagerly showed mom my one special wish for my birthday—my princess dress!

My mom always delighted in my over-the-top dress up games and acting antics, I just knew she’d try to get it for me.

That is....

Until....

Mommy had to go away.

"She needs her rest. She'll be back when she feels better."

My dad and family did their best to give me a special birthday, despite not having mom’s help. I got to have my birthday at Chuck E. Cheese! Nothing beat that mouse, my friends, ski-ball and Ms. Pac Man, and, of course, presents!

After the pizza and games, I began to tear into the glorious gifts with great anticipation. I opened them

one by one,

Ooooooing and ahhhhhing at each special gift

... all the while anticipating the Big One (you know, the

one that’s always strategically left last).

THE LAST BOX…and…and…

A Barbie?!

No dress?

Where was my dress?

The one thing I wanted...

The special thing I had asked for.

I was confused...

But she knew?

Nothing in my little heart understood why the very thing I had wished for and delighted in wasn’t given to me? Why would mommy and daddy withhold something good?

And that's the story. This has always been where the memory ended. As I got older, I got my facts organized, completely understanding the impossibility of my mom or dad being able to get the dress because of my mom's medical needs at the time.

So...Jesus, what?

Go there Beloved....let me uncover other things that were going on. Who else was at work in the midst of your confusion and hurt. (When the Lord brought this up , my heart was ripe for the uprooting. There was so much heartache and confusion going on in my present circumstances somehow it made it easier to go there).

No dress?

Where was my dress?

“They tricked you.”

They tricked me. (doubt)

I could hear the deceit.

The distortion of truth.

Exposed.

But Jesus I know the truth now? She couldn't do anything about it?

"Facts” don’t change wounded hearts.

Jesus wanted truth to penetrate that “inmost place," that is where He wanted the transformation, to rewrite the story.

Sweetheart, your heart was assaulted by the enemy, he distorted the picture. And it was intentional. Think about it darling a beautiful, princess dress. Princesses long to be cherished, chosen, rescued.

You see the Evil One has used "the dress" event and numerous other events throughout my life (but the Lord chose this one) to tell me a twisted message; “See what happens when you open up your heart to desire? Don’t get your hopes up because, they’ll only get crushed (fear). Don’t open up your heart and ask for your desires because you’re never going to get it. Just settle, keep that stuff hidden, it’s always safer. And I know you want safety, right?”

He’s right, that wicked, sly, sick serpent is right, I do want safety, but at what cost?

Jesus was gently exposing the cost of self-protection and tenderly showing me more about its origins.

He also exposed the enemies scheme. The enemy used this disappointment and many others to unearth fear, “If you keep your heart open you will only be hurt. Your heart is too much anyway. It’s not safe to let them in. I’ll help you find a way out of your vulnerability so you feel safe again.” (bartering control, a way out of pain).

Fear and control are his greatest tools.

If he can get us to distrust God’s heart, skew our image of God through life’s hurts, make us believe we have nothing to offer, and take us out by bartering back a measure of control (a way out of fear and pain), He has our allegiance. We live a protected, safe, fearful life.

B U T .... once his twisted strategy is exposed that's been

hidden in the darkness,

R O O M is created...

JESUS' light can now permeate!

The Gospel can now touch a place that has yet to hear it in that inmost place...

Enter Dress #2

(to be continued...)

The Metaphor of Marriage

When I first started learning Soul Care from Patti I wasn't sure how couples would respond to me as a counselor who was single. I mean come on, even I might roll my eyes as a young doe-eyed woman began a monologue about the beauty, virtue, and splendor to the metaphor of marriage and how great it was they were seeking help in their marriage.

But ironically, Patti told me differently. "Susie I think because you hold up the image and standard, not jaded by the disappointment, you invite us to see it as Christ intended."

I had Patti to thank. Early on in my twenty-something spiritual formation, I was recovering from a broken heart and was left rather skeptical about how a union like this could ever work. It was then that Patti courageously invited me into "the metaphor of marriage."

What?

Susie, you have to first and foremost think of it in it's original context and ideal. Christ and the church. Husbands and wives in their union are to reflect that truth. It is only then that you can develop eyes to see what a husband and wife are struggling with in their marriage and what God is wanting to heal and reveal through them.

W O W !

She then began to paint the most beautiful picture of Jesus loving his church so much that he gives himself over to her again and again, for better or for worse. He loves to put her on display to celebrate her beauty, grace, and dignity. She blossoms in His Presence and people look-in wondering, "What's going on? I want that...How do I get it?" She joyfully comes under his tender strength and fierce love because she trusts him. He is always looking out for her best interest, coming alongside her shortcomings, and because of that special dignity she feels from him, she wants nothing more than to follow His ways and share in the adventure of life with him forever.

So are you like me? Did your heart weave in and out wondering whether I was talking about the church or marriage? And about mid-way, did you let out a deep sigh, wondering "When was the last time I experienced a marriage like that? Let alone came close in my marriage?"

When I first began to understand this, both the gift and crucible of marriage, all I wanted to do was marriage counseling. Because I think I got it...really got it!

Did these couples have any idea of the power and magnitude of healing that could be brought about through their love? Or worse, the devastation their bitterness and rejection of each other could cause?

Husbands.

Wives.

The reason your union has been assaulted from day one, is not because you are a failure, a mess of a christian, rather the enemy hates what you share and the image you bear! He uses every scrap of trash he can grab on, early on, to take you out. He hates love and he hates love that births life!

So what if spouses stopped seeing the other partner as the enemy and learned to fight for their spouses heart, as a reflection of Christ's love and his commitment? What if in the midst of all the tension, misunderstanding, woundedness, men and women began to speak words of life to one another? Guided each other into healing? Had the courage to ask others for help?

This is the gift John and Staci Eldredge have given us in Love & War.

Could there be a better title about marriage?

This is no news that I am fans, allies, comrades, whatever you want to call it of the Eldredges. I may not agree with every jot and tittle, but let's just say the very fact that they had the courage to sit down, pull up their sleeves, and offer the nitty gritty of their marriage, is reason enough for me to read it and want to learn from it. John and Staci are the kind of kingdom people who have helped me again and again stay the course (and prepare the course for marriage).

Not everyone gets a Patti Cepin who modeled, explained, and invited me into her own sacred crucible of marriage (to which, John and Patti, I am forever grateful). But I think a lot of you wish more couples, like the Cepins and Eldredges, would invite you in to learn from their marriage, if nothing less than to know you are not alone and there is hope.

Consider this my war cry for couples everywhere...Let's Start a Revolution. And like all Revolutions, it starts with the courage of the few... Why not gather a group of couples with open hearts (which almost always means broken hearts) and begin to journey together reading Love & War, letting it stew in your hearts, togather stand against the enemy's schemes, and go kick some kingdom butt together!

I can't help but wonder how the face of 21st century Christianity would be turned upside down!?!?

Mentoring Project Part II: Restoring Femininity to Call Forth Masculinity

Donald Miller began the Mentoring Project as a response to the masculinity crises he and countless others agree is happening in our nation.

The Mentoring Project seeks to respond to the American crisis of fatherlessness by inspiring and equipping faith communities to mentor fatherless boys.

It's gotten national attention from President Barack Obama and his team. I get giddy when I hear of programs such as Donald's, John Eldredge's, and others who are stepping in the gap, believing an entire generation of boys and men can be renamed, restored, and rebuilt. It all starts by one man courageously believing he has something to offer another. And not just thinking about it. Doing it! (Men who mentor only become stronger and assured of who they are and what they bring to the world).

This project and other's like it, reenforce a question I have quietly talked to others about for years. How is the crisis in masculinity affecting women and reenforcing our own negative femininity issues?

I call it "The Silent Epidemic."

I've wondered if part of my observations and frustrations in ministry, dating relationships, counseling, and leadership were somewhat due to the bad fruit emerging from the fatherless epidemic. Not just abandoned boys who lacked a father figure, but adult men who grew up lacking true connection with their fathers. The initiation they were intended to receive from their fathers.

And if this was true....was I coming alongside these men as a beacon of hope believing there was more to their life than they saw and were offering OR resigning myself to hopelessness and instead compensating for what I saw a lack of?

YIKES!

Which made me suspect, how many women, like myself, were pretending to be strong and 'use their gifts' only to be covering over their quiet, unspoken fear that no man was strong enough to handle them, they were alone in leadership, and they better rise to the occasion or no one else will?

Many of us live in fear and shame of our femininity and innate need for strength. So instead of living in the tension being a woman assumes, we seek to become self sufficient, independent, and "strong" (which often leads to taking on way more than we can handle or were intended to. We become superwomen letting NO ONE penetrate our impenitratable walls, and we feel a weird mix of liberation and shame if they do).

I know, some of you are not even listening now because your theological and experiential paradigms are having a boxing match with what I've just shared. But rather than react, take a moment to sit with it. Let the Queen Mary, that many of us carry so heavily on our shoulders, drop. Now sit with some of your deepest longings. How you wish your father, significant other, ministry leaders, friends would of handled your heart?

If it wasn't for the Donald Millers and John Eldgredges of the faith pioneering the trail, I would have pretended something wasn't "off." I also would have stayed a "strong, independent, afraid little girl" instead of "a strong, interdependent, free woman." In acknowledging the damage and impact of a Fatherless Generation my heart has only opened to greater compassion, concern, and desire for restoration in both sexes.

I know now, I cannot and should not try to "fix" a guy (ministry partner, leader, friend, significant other). Masculinity gives rise to masculinity. And boys are initiated to manhood only through the love and camaraderie of another man. However, what is my role in honoring and calling forth the goodness of men?

Let me give an example.

Early on in my ministry, God had to Father me in what it meant to honor a man (and not compensate for him). I noticed as a twenty-something young leader that when a male leader I worked with stayed quiet or didn't step into an important team situation, I reacted. Rather than sit in the silence, and walk down the tumultuous feelings this was bringing up in me as the co-leader, I would jump in and take over. Slowing it down: I quietly resigned in my heart he wasn't going to do anything (honestly it took two nano-seconds) and quickly jumped in navigating waters that were uncomfortable, felt too much, and perhaps weren't for me to be swimming alone in the first place.

Over time the Father stepped in....Beloved, honor Him. Sit in the discomfort of his silence. You only add to his defeat when you take over. And it only reenforces the lie you are not worth being taken care of.

What??? I'm just helping. But whose gonna step in? Who's gonna do something? (this paradigm shift of truth rocked my safe, inner world!). My Father called me out! What I wanted to do was ignore the guy's passivity, compensate for what was lacking (ignoring my needs), and make uncomfortable feelings and situations go away.

I think a lot of women do this. I know because I've talked to you. It's feels vulnerable enough being a woman, and it takes a lot to be a woman leader, but we fear the tenderness required when we must depend on the Lord to defend, advocate, and protect us in His way through His processes. Then it's even harder to believe He will speak to the man involved (fill in the blank: spouse, significant other, co-leader, etc.) and keep hope alive that something might change.

But to honor a man, I believe we must sometimes sit in the silence and the cost of passivity. We can offer the impact of his action or inaction, but must still love him through the process. We reflect to Him the quiet, tender, nurturing strength of God that He bestows on us as we walk this out. This I believe is intended to arouse a man to love, wholeness, and good deeds (in a way only your feminine heart can). It says, "I know you have what it takes!" We then pray, ask for the Lord's eyes to see him, and abide in the process that as the Lord protects and meets us in our heart of hearts, He is doing the same in his, reminding him he has what it takes and changing him from the inside-out!

So here's to the Mentoring Project Part II. Because we all play a part, and God loves us way too much to keep us there!

p.s. oops... the elephant image is from the mentoring project (click here for the story) this is my pink version, for Part II (o;

Singleness: But I didn't plan this far?

p.s. After I recorded this and sat more with the Lord

I asked, "Jesus what do you want to say?"

"IT IS WELL."

p.p.s. not only had I been crying but my allergies are awful

in SLO right now, so thanks for bearing with Ms. Sniffly (o;

Making Room for the Masculine

I sat down, nestled in my cozy couch, ready to kick back and relax to a decorating show on HGtv. The gal featured was a thirty-something homeowner looking to make a change in her inherited, fixer-upper home.

Genevieve, the designer, listened patiently and intently to some of her design ideas and preferences.


I began to sense her apprehension, "You describe a very girly, feminine decor. That's fine but where are you going to make room for the masculine?"

SHOOT

Me!

Where are you going to make room for the MASCULINE?

What happened to my wind-down, mindless decorating show?


How was I making room for him? What did I do with my free time? Where did I create space within for pursuit instead of protecting myself from rejection?

I watched as the story unfolded.


The surface design of the home involved changes in couches, paint color, curtains, textures, and art but the deeper layers revealed:

OPENING UP TO HOPE

BELIEVING THE STORY IS STILL UNFOLDING

CREATING S P A C E WITHIN & WITHOUT.

for HIM.

It was like Surround Sound was turned up in a way only the Holy Spirit can and I heard it...


"Make space."


Fast forward a few months. Not a whole lot has changed but little by little space is being made.


Since the new year, the image of a MOOSE has shown up more than once and I wonder, "What in the heck is this?" Normally I wouldn't give it a second thought, but remember I had just heard the above so my ears were in Holy Spirit High Surveillance mode.


I know, I know. When you get something in your head, it sticks and you begin to see it everywhere. Yea, at times this is true. But what was I supposed to do with this?


I get home and begin opening up to my roommate, Tanya, about this strange "moose" phenomena.


"Tan, I feel crazy. A moose?"


"Well then..." (A wide grin sprouts on that beautiful face).


"THIS MUST BE FOR YOU!"


She begins to slowly pull a card out of her purse she just found. Turns it around and....

There he was...


Weeks later, I'm still making room.


BEFORE:

IN PROCESS:

I'm under-construction:


Being the BEAUTY


O P E N I N G MYSELF UP


Presenting the gift...ME!




As the show came to a close, I watched the single gal trying to hold back her quiet fear but giddy expectancy...

Waiting for the "reveal"

It...

was....

beautiful....

A new, reformed, better than before, interior design.

Perfectly made for 1 2!