God Reality is Good (but hard)

I wrestle.
God is good.  He is good all the time. All the time He is good.
I sing about this in church, pray it with others, yet I wrestle.


I feel like there has been weeks of soaring--high in the sky being carried by His wings. Then, there are days, sometimes weeks, where it feels like I fell off. 
If I'm honest more like I was dropped.


My heart starts to feel disrupted and confused as h o p e expands and gets bigger and bigger and then 
P O P, the circumstance or unfolding reality goes topsy turvy. 


My faith....wains.
And I wonder, where did I go?  The girl who just days ago was in awe of God's kindness, involvement, and care?  And it's hard. Harder than I ever thought cause I don't like what I'm seeing.  And I don't like what I think He may be asking.


It is then that I see.
See where my faith wandered and what I started to trust in.
An outcome I wanted.
A result that didn't come to fruition.
New territory I'm asked to walk in a very old struggle and it all feels too much.


And it is here, here, that He beckons, "Will you trust me? Trust me even here, yet again, that I am good. Will you trust I am guiding your heart to the Promiseland, and it is good. Good in a Kingdom way you have yet to understand?"


And you know what?  I want to understand it all, have answers, and then step.  But Jesus never let's me figure it all out. He asks for my heart, not my cerebral, conceptual head. Faith always requires stepping, then more unfolding, then stepping again.  Trusting the goodness of His life is somehow redeeming and transforming mine at each bend and new step.


God reality.  Seeing with e y e s  W I D E   o p e n.  No longer hiding. No longer pretending.  Stepping into the unknown and trusting (rather learning to trust) in the depths... 


GOD IS GOOD.  He is good all the time.  All the time He is good.