Game day's coming. And I'm not playing. Nope, not this game. Not, this event. I'm being taken out.
Gack! And I know it. As every bride does. She has to let it go. She can't hold on. She must receive and hand it off. Her baby! Her dream!
But, oh, do we resist! Let me speak for myself, I resist.
Alan wanted a meeting, early on of game week. He wanted to talk about the overall plan and ask some questions.
What kind of questions? Had I forgotten something? I knew it was important to meet but I also knew my limits. A thirty-eight year old bride has the blessing of knowing who she is and isn't. But, unfortunately, some of what I know about myself is the pull to micro-manage. To need to be needed. To be the final answer.
Nope. Not this day. Not this game.
Would I stand back and receive? Or choose to be the day-of frazzled, not present bride? Would I be able to handle all his questions and clarifications about the big day? Or would I break and have my bridezilla moment?
I showed up to the meeting fearful. What if he brought up all sorts of things we hadn't thought of? I couldn't handle it.
We sat in the parking lot for a bit.
"Honey, can we just pray?"
There I acknowledged my fear, laid down the ruminating thoughts and fears, and took a deep breath....
Alan was not wanting this meeting to make things worse, he was coming to serve.
See that happy, joyful servant looking on us? That was who met us that night for the meeting.
Here I was rehearsing how I may have to train him, I didn't have time for this, or what if I met my dreaded zilla moment, well I could just leave and have Rob take over....
See where the ruminating thoughts go? Worst. Case. Scenario.
There are a thousand reasons to try to hold onto something and feel in control. Honestly, some pretty legitimate ones. But God didn't create me or you for independence. That's the kingdom of this world. The hardest part is when the moments come and I'm smack-dab in the reality of my clenched fists. Instead of holding things so tight, what if I softened? What if I opened up to the possibilities? What if I anticipated good, not perfection, but good provision?
Game week, Alan was that good provision.
He. Amazed. Me.
He had thought through ways of taking care of things I never would have. People, he drew a diagram! Lord have mercy, my love language for events! He actually mapped out and downloaded my crazy, bride-to-be, week-of-wedding-insanity and said, "I've got this."
I've. Got. This.
Oh Alan, yes you did! Thank you so much for using your gift of operations and serving to bless us! Thank you for that meeting where I went in frazzled and came out relieved. Thank you for the countless hours you gave to assist, lead, organize, clean, and offer your presence. We drove away that night knowing all was well and things would get to their right place because you are who you are--faithful, trustworthy, generous, and kind.
We love you Alan!