As a little girl I never liked to go to bed with the room dark. The door needed to be cracked just a little so I knew life was still going forth in the other room, I was not alone, and light still had access in the creeks of the night.
I wonder when I shut that door? I wonder when the darkness started to become more familiar than the light? I wonder even more so when the darkness became confused with the light? When the hiddeness of shame and the blanket of fear began to provide false shelter?
Layer upon layer of coverings:
--"do-gooder" works scrutinized by shames tyranny, "You will never be enough."
--"helper" and "care takers" promises of connection and relationship nagging and critiquing, "You must come through or you will be alone."
--"go-getter" exhausting her resources and pouring out in spite of drought, "You don't matter unless you're needed and coming through."
The coverings hide and dismiss my weariness. They pretend to cloak, cover, and protect when really they weigh down, make me sweat, and offer no relief, no flicker of h o p e, as I lay in the dark. But they promise something I desperately want identity and independence.
I don't have to risk anything behind their cloak, I'm covered over, never really vulnerable to another.
The power of shame.
I hate it but it's become my familiar, though false, comfort.
L o v e will not let the door stay shut.
L o v e will knock, rattle, disrupt, dispute, shake, and pry open the door to bring back the light.
Light is ruthless, because it is light. It exists to allow us to see. Truly see.
Fear is powerful, but light overcomes.
Period.
Jesus, open wide the door and blanket our fear with your life and being.
Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. 2 Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.
3 Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. 4 Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. 5 You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.
6 Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him. 7 Don’t participate in the things these people do. 8 For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! 9 For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.
10 Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. 11 Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. 12 It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. 13 But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, 14 for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said,
“Awake, O sleeper,
rise up from the dead,
and Christ will give you light.” (Ephesians 5: 1-14)
rise up from the dead,
and Christ will give you light.” (Ephesians 5: 1-14)
1 comment:
In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. John 1:4 My prayer as well - to love and live in His love, no shame, no darkness. thanks for linking (and loving), susie
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